Did I mention I am smiling?

My future husband,

At times, I swear I can already feel the breath of you on the back of my neck. I long to comfort you. As I walk alone down streets, I think of the days you’ll walk with me. As I sit alone in theatres, laughing, I think of the times we’ll laugh together. When I am upon my couch, feet extended, I think of the times we’ll fight over the space or the remote. I crave your loving pinches and unconditional desire.

Because I have faith, I believe and pray that you, too, love me with a love unsurpassed. I believe and pray that you, too, guard your heart & your mind for our future. I believe and pray that you stand firm against temptation, that you dream of our children, and that you hunger for my words at the end of a long day. Will I know you when I see you? Will the dreams and reality stitch together seamlessly? Will I have to compromise, deciding between what is utterly important and what I can live without? How much of this dream is dependent on me? How much of this dream is dependent on timing? How much of this dream is reliant upon my ability to love myself? How much of this dream should I let go?

I can see you now. Tall, a frame that holds strength and protection. I have faith that God is between us and planning our future, even thought we may be miles apart or perhaps right next door. Thoughts intertwined, I am smiling. It’s God’s timing, so we are closer than we realize. 

Sometimes I feel silly when I imagine what we will talk about everyday. Long car drives and discussions. The things that make you smile or laugh. I have a hard time expressing my feelings sometimes, and I pray you don’t mind that. I pray you are understanding. By God’s grace, I know I was created to share these feelings with you. To be able to release them and bloom into us.


Sometimes I feel lonely and I think that’s because God has blessed me with an open heart that overflows with emotion, it all goes unshared at times. Deep in my soul, my dreams of sharing my days expressing what is in my heart lies unanswered. I am looking for your eyes and your approval. I pray I see God within you. I pray you carry His cross. Knowing that in my weakness, that you will be the knight that will help protect my heart from the hardness of the world. Did I mention I am smiling? God’s gift to me of my child-like love is misunderstood most of the time. It is not in my soul to hate someone because he or she chooses to lash out and hurt me or others. I only feel compassion for them and the pain that they feel for themselves. You know and understand my thoughts and confusion regarding the workings of the world. I am thankful that you know the deep workings of my soul to know when I need comforted and when I need my own personal time. Only you know that even then I am silent, words do not need to be spoken to express the feelings of the heart. You hear the music that is played by the invisible strings to my soul.

At night, my prayers are filled with support and blessings for you. That God might guide and bless you in what ever venture you might be striving toward. You know in your heart, at that faint guiding star that you feel deep in your soul is me. God’s blessing, all these years, has been guiding you home to my heart so that finally that our journey will end and we will be together.

With all the love within my heart,
Ashley